Please tell me that by now you’ve seen the best viral video of 2008 by far, and by that of course I mean the Iron Mic rhyme battle that was posted here last time. Haven’t seen it yet? You’re stupid. Go scroll down there to the post before this one and promptly serve yourself a heaping helping of Eli Porter.

Last we saw Eli, he was inexpicably left hanging on the short end of the judging stick in a lyrical freestlyle battle that was on some one-sided ass beating of mega snuffleupagus proportions. Except that it was Eli who should have been the victor, since it was he that delivered the bloody Mortal Kombat fatality, and that busta-ass, mark-ass, trick-ass ho Envy got touched by the illest death blow since Jerry and Kramer were bootlegging for Brody back in ‘96. (George was useless, he went down at the Beackman. He tried to lam, but they cheesed him.)

Anyway, this devastating defeat at the hands of Envy, however wrong and unjust it is, may or may not have been the single greatest thing to ever happen in young Eli Porter’s life. As for the host of the show, your boy Marv-O, he’s still snuggled up with his man J-Dub. Oh, and Action Jackson? The douche bigalow that held the third and deciding vote that swayed the battle in Envy’s favor? I’ve started a worldwide movement of bloodthirsty justice hunters and we are now in the process of hunting Mr. Jackson down and we’re not going to rest until his corpse is drained of it’s blood and his fucking head is resting comfortably up on the end of a pointy stick.

But really though, this dude has the Internet going fucking nuts right now!

I seriously want him to stomp a mudhole in Souljah Boy’s ass right this minute.

How the fuck is there no Eli Porter dance or fucking album yet?

Surely A&R people can see the incredible marketing opportunities that are available with this young phenom.

Seriously. This dude is like far more entertaining and easily more buck wild than probably 75-85 percent of the idiots in hip hop today that have deals and ringtones and shit.

Somebody better step up and make Eli an offer, I mean look at fucking William Hung, that retard went on tour and got mad bitches in the process!

Eli shits all over William Hung and any other bullshit freak show you can think of because, among many other reasons, he’s quite simply the best, mayne. He did it, but he should be doing it much bigger.